Wednesday, July 13th, 1977-in which Nancy experiences both fear and guilt, but a good day over all

I have been reading The Radiant Dove-yet another "lady turned governess, humble but winning all hearts"-like all such trite tales, it's very soothing.  I even reread Alcott's Eight Cousins today in the search for distraction.  I love Petey so much how shall I bear it if I lose him?  But even worse than that would be if Stewart gained custody and he were in England where I could never know if he were fed, clothed, housed, given the medical treatments he needs...That uncertainty would be truly unbearable.  Pete woke me at 11:00am this morning.  I hadn't meant to sleep so late but I read late last night.  I always put off the moment of going to bed, luxuriating having come safely through another day, knowing that Pete is sleeping soundly, breathing normally-as if my keeping watch could protect him from any harm.  Pete had soup for lunch (chicken alphabet and I had to read him all the letters on his spoon) and I had a ham sandwich with a dill pickle.  It was nearly 2:00pm when Dad came in.  We went first to Ontario Pharmacy-more Melariil for me-then to the library.  Pete checked out more books then I did.  "Sesame Street Live" was overdue so I paid the fine and checked it out again, along with a Drum and Bugle Corps record I hoped Pete would like (he so wants a drum!).  I found a new Keemelman's-Wednesday the Rabbi Got Wet.  I think he's used up all the days of the week now.  Then we went to Safeway and I used the last of my food stamps, filled a WIC coupon to get milk for Petey (we had only enough for his cereal this morning), and spent $10.00 over that ...and I'm still not certain if we have enough food to get by 'till my check comes.  We picked up my prescription, put the groceries away, and went to the A&W.  Pete had a burrito-can I never enforce his diet?-and milk, while Dad and I had root beer floats, and Mom a milkshake.  I gave Dad our laundry but forgot Betty's sleeping bags.  Dad brought in carrots, beets, a huge zucchini, and green beans.  I gave Betty Phipps the zucchini and we had a brief visit.  Want to have her over during the day when her family doesn't need her.  Pete and I sat on the back steps and snapped beans.  We watched Daniel work on his Cadillac and he explained "four wheel drive" to Pete.  Pete rode his tricycle all over, then he pretended he was on a magical merry-go-round and he and tricycle couldn't get off-and whirled in circles till I caught him.  He stepped-literally-into my shoes tonight and pretended to be "Momma", clomping about in my high-heeled sandals.  I read him several of his new books, The Eggs, Halloween Parade, Sir Kevin of Devon, and The Cow That Fell in the Canal.We had cube steak, macaroni salad (Pete's choice) and watermelon for dinner.  Pete helped with the cooking and rinsed and put in the strainer the dishes I washed.  We played ball on the lawn pretending we were on TV...and Pete gave me a ride on his tricycle.  A happy day!