Why This Blog?

 Nancy Lawson died in 1996 at Oregon Health Sciences University in Portland Oregon, of a particularly aggressive form of Cancer of the Esophagus (she'd been a smoker most of her adult life as well).  Attending the University of Oregon at the time, and on the day she went,  I'd received notification that her time was coming and that I should hurry if I wanted to see her.  I was a on the road (just past Salem on the I-5 corridor) when I felt some thing-perhaps it was her spirit-wash over me and I knew I would arrive too late.  While not alone (I know she was surrounded by caring medical professionals), my Mom went Home without the benefit of Family or Friends beside her.  There are a lot of things to "unpack" as to how that became the case, but that's for a different time.

At her passing, I was left with a series of journals, notes, and memories.  It has taken me the better part of the last 19 years to finally open them up and go through them.  I have decided to share them with the world (or at least the five people who may actually ever read this Blog) as atonement, perhaps, for not being a better son, or perhaps as a way to reveal that my mother was neither the "poor person" deserving of pity and the Charity of Church and Community (though we could not have survived without the generous and giving souls that entered our lives over the years), nor was she the "crazy cat lady" that people may have encountered in later years.  She was, in point of fact, a layered and complex person filled with passions beyond what I ever could have realized, but willing to sacrifice nearly everything for her Family-for her son.  At the same time, she experienced the same mundane "day to day" life that all of us do and I guarantee that there will be entries in the course of this project that will make you question why you spent the time (so I release you in advance to go back to checking Facebook posts).

The majority of posts will take the form of diary pages over an initial span of about 1977-1979, but I will sprinkle in the occasional story or poem of hers for variety (By the way, WalkityKaboo-the blogspot address for this journal,is the name of a villain in one of Mom's children's stories she wrote).  I'll be retyping a lot of it (I know it would have been easier to just scan and post the pages, but there's something cathartic in the act of recreation), but you may periodically see some pics as well.  I will also try to add context for the various names/relationships as appropriate.  As a side note, I'll reserve the right to edit pieces and references to things that I deem too private.  As for existing Family and Friends that might see themselves episodically mentioned, please let me know if this makes you feel uncomfortable and I will endeavor to remove those passages. 

Beyond all of that, I don't have anything that I hope to gain from the exercise beyond what I've already mentioned except that maybe others who never knew Nancy might feel connected somehow (especially those with a sick child, those who have struggled or are struggling with Mental Illness, and those impacted by poverty and its root causes).  Maybe, too, I'll learn more about myself in the process.

Thanks

Peter Lawon